Saturday, May 16, 2009

"The tigers have found me and I do not care"

The administrable micro-chasm that was my life had expanded, in a single moment, to the universes surrounding my own, and swallowing their surrounding universes in an infinite realm of space, time and possibilities. I could see the curvature of the earth. I was high. It was this feeling of want and need tugging at my limbs from the same direction, pulling me effortlessly away from a controllable world. I was weightless.

I scrambled for an answer mentally; biting my tongue and the insides of my cheeks to fight the Cheshire-grin forcing its way to my surface like a vanguard surging unfamiliar territory.

"Oh you know, he's very literal. 'be together' doesn't mean any more than occupying the same physical space. He's probably just lonely."

That was enough. He trusted me blindly, unaware that he had lost me just as blindly. From that moment forward, the pulsing, breathing, fleshy and thought submerged entity; my blood, flesh, and bones belonged to my best friend, who I loved as well.

I wondered if anyone else could see the scarlet letter palpitating on my chest, which would rise and fall for the moments of nourishment I would seize from the attention you gave me.

And just as soon as I had reached an emotional climax, hanging on your every thoughtful word, the drinking began.

A vile taste began building in my mouth...

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